Parenting in the theater......what an emotional rollercoaster

This weekend, we held auditions for Oliver.  The show is being done by our teenaged group, but we are also pulling adults from our adult group and children from our children's group.  My amazing Curt has wanted to play the role of Fagin for a long time, so it was sort of a no-brainer that he would audition.  Thea decided that she would like to play one of the workhouse kids / pick-pockets. 

So, let's roll back a bit to January of this year when she had to do her very first audition ever.  It was for the Children's Theater Workshop show.  All of the kids are required to audition and ALL of them get a role.  Thea was very clear that she did not want any solo singing or spoken lines.  She just wanted to be part of the ensemble.  We had 48 kids read.  Only one was so terrified that she completely broke down and couldn't read a word....yeah.  Thea.

OK...so now Oliver auditions are approaching and we are talking about it and talking about it.  Her piano teacher, who is also the music director, recorded her audition song for her so she could prepare her vocal audition.  She is walking around with this little recorder singing for WEEKS.  (Did I mention that her GRANDMOTHER is the director and I am the stage-manager?).   Anyway, so Thea and Curt come down on Saturday to audition.  Thea is very nervous.  During a break, the music director sat at the piano with her and ran through her song quietly.  She made Thea feel calm and ready (God bless her).  So we came in and she did it!  She wouldn't go on the stage, but stood next to the md at the piano and sang her song out with her clear and lovely voice.  She was a tad off-pitch for the last two notes, but all in all, she rocked it.  I was SO proud of her.  More importantly, she was really proud of herself.  And that was her goal.  To walk out of the auditions proud.  Win, lose or draw.  She did the dance audition and frankly, was all left feet.  I don't know why, but she just didn't get it.  Amazingly, she shrugged it off and wasn't at all phased by it.  She went home feeling very proud.  Her mother fairly burst with pride.

She ended up not doing her reading on Saturday and had to come back to read on Sunday.  And oh the drama that ensued.  Oh.  My.  God.  She melted down completely.  For THREE AND A HALF HOURS.  It was terrible.  She was literally paralyzed with fear.  She talked to my dad.  She talked to me.  She talked to Curt.  She talked to Grandma.  She talked to one of the teens auditioning, who is also her babysitter.  And she cried and cried and cried.....all afternoon long.  She knew that if she didn't read she couldn't get a role in the show.  We talked about how comfortable she felt on-stage during the children's show and her last recital.   We talked about how she would feel if the auditions were over and she didn't get to do the show with Daddy and Mommy and Grandma and Grandpa.  Still...not ready to read.

And then, we're just about done.  Grandma is starting to wrap up the auditions and I walk over to Thea and say something that means, "it's now or never, kid".  I walk her over to Grandma.  And Grandma gives her sides (script pages to you non-theater people) to read.  Grandma pairs her to read with an amazingly talented and sweet teenaged girl, B* .  I sit on the couch on stage with Thea and she clings to me as though she is dangling off the edge of a crumbling cliff.  She shakes her head that she can't do it.  She cries.  The entire pool of auditioners is cheering her on.  B* starts and gives Thea the opening line.  Four times.....and FINALLY Thea starts to read.  And she is WONDERFUL.  Now, I know what you're all thinking.  "You're her mother.  You're supposed to think she is wonderful."  But REALLY.  Thea got two lines out with her kick-ass little british accent and all the intonation and inflection of a champ, and I literally heard all the kids (all teenagers) in the theater whispering to each other, "OMG!  She's so good! She's AWESOME!"  She finishes her first reading and Grandma asks her to do one more.  "OK", she says.  And she reads again.  A reading about reacting as opposed to reading......and again, she's right there, in the moment......terrific.

Truthfully, she is the best candidate we have for Oliver, which is really fucking scary for the directors / casting committee because of this paralyzing fear of hers.  I don't know what would happen come opening night.  We asked her to come to call backs to see how she does at the prospect of reading again......

The highs and lows over the last 48 hours have been......well, really really really far fucking apart.  I woke up yesterday still glowing with mommy pride from Saturday's audition.  And then fell into the chasm with the afternoon-long melt-down to back up after her spectacular readings.

Did I mention that we had four performances of the show that's in production with our adult group over the weekend, too?  And the huge event for work that I ran on Thursday and Friday.....  No wonder I'm exhausted.......

Comments

[The old Doc]

This is sooo exciting. It's like reading a suspence novel. If only there was a hidden coded message in her script, and her fears were part of the message!