There are many things that get said about stupid people. For instance: “he wouldn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain”, or “the lights are on, but nobody’s home”, or “he’s a few tacos short of a combination plate” or even “he’s dumber than naval lint.”
Yet, even when I find a comprehensive list of stupid-isms, I have not found one that really sums up how absolutely fucking stupid the director of my husband’s movie proved himself to be today. Today is my husband’s birthday. Today, my husband could have been killed. Literally.
Shall I begin at the beginning? I guess I should. My husband, C, is playing the leading role in an independent film that a friend of ours is making. This friend is sinking roughly $40K or $50K of his own money into this project. The movie is about a retired Boston police detective that is now the chief of police in a fictional, podunk town in Maine. The script has too many sub-plots, way too much sexism and not nearly enough cursing (but hey, I only worked in private sector law-enforcement with public sector cops for 15 years – so maybe I am wrong and cops don’t use the word fuck as frequently as *I* remember it….)
Anyway, today, they were shooting a scene in which C, the chief of police, talks some guy out of robbing the local mini-mart. Mid-robbery, of course. Enter our brilliant fucking director. Ready? He is running a rehearsal of this scene, in the mini-mart, where his actors are brandishing fake guns, and he doesn’t INSIST that owner close to the public. Yes. Really. Instead of saying, “Close the place for an hour and I’ll pay for the lost sales, (all $100 bucks)” this fucking IDIOT, runs his rehearsal with the store OPEN and customers wandering in and out.
You know what’s coming, don’t you? Of course you do, because you, gentle reader, are not nearly so ridiculously fucking stupid as the director. Back to our story: Mid-rehearsal, C (wearing his prop gun on his belt) is talking down the robber, with his back to the entrance, when he hears, “GET YOUR HANDS ON THE FLOOR! GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR!” from behind him. He turns and finds himself looking down the barrel of a 9mm handgun. Being brandished by the local police. The real police, who carry REAL guns and got a call that a robbery was taking place in the OPEN FUCKING MINI-MART. So C, being a smart man, lay down on the floor, spread-eagled. The other actor, the one playing the robber, however, was SO involved in the scene that it took him few seconds to register that these were REAL cops with REAL guns and he was in a world of fucking hurt. He complied, albeit many seconds later than he should have. Thank GOD, the two cops that came crashing in were NOT 22 year-old rookies with an overdose of testosterone. Had they been, this story might have a far different, far sadder, far bloodier ending. The cops did NOT shoot the other actor, but they did cuff him after disarming him and getting to on the ground. In all honesty, listening to Curt tell the story, by rights, *if* the cops believed it was a real robbery, being perpetrated by a person crazy enough to rob a store a gun point in broad daylight, they probably *should* have shot him….because their hesitation gave him time to take out 4 or 5 people before they took him down. Had he been that crazy robber-person. Thankfully, they DIDN’T fire. Thankfully, this took place in a quiet, bedroom community where robberies are rare if they happen at all. And thankfully, they weren’t one town over where robberies are far more common and the cops actually draw their firearms more than once in a 30 year career.
The real kicker is that several weeks ago, they were planning to shoot a scene in a front yard, again with prop guns and I insisted that C talk to the director about making sure the cops were informed of what was going on. They ended up re-writing that scene and taking out the guns, so it wasn't an issue. Wouldn't you think that it might occur to Mr. Director, particularly when the owner wouldn't close so John Q Public is strolling in and out, that he should take some action to protect his cast? Maybe take 3 lousy minutes to make a fucking phone call to the local PD, and inform the commanding officer about what they were doing? Would it have been that fucking difficult? Taken that much time and effort? I hope they fucking fined him. C said the supervising officer that showed up on scene was furious, but the two patrolmen were more relieved than anything else.
I have run out of words and the anger is now simmering instead of boiling. I will be making sure that the director takes care not to put my husband in danger again. God knows that asshole wasn't throwing himself between the gun and his actors. He BEST put himself in front of another situation like this or he will have to deal with me. Frankly, he may have to deal with me anyway because there may be an email or phone call from me when I calm down.....
