Last night was the DASH Awards Gala. I have gone many times in years past and always had a great time. I was sad that I missed the Gala last year,but I was performing in California Suite. I was excited about the Gala as it approached, but then suddenly it was the "day of" and for some reason, I just didn't feel like going: I didn't know what to wear, my hair was showing the humidity, I was feeling fat, my husband is out of town and couldn't go with.... I had arranged to go with a girlfriend but at the last minute she was unable to attend. Even without all those things, I just wasn't in the mood to go.
But, in spite of how I was feeling, I dressed up, attempted to tame the frizzies, put on make-up and went. This certainly wasn't the first time I have felt this way, and usually I go to whatever event it is that I am suddenly dreading. Once I get there, the doldrums and negativity get shaken off and ultimately, I have a good time. I see friends, I eat good food, I socialize. Thea spent the evening and went to sleep at a friend's house so I knew at least she was having fun.
So off I go to the Gala I went. I saw lots of folks that I enjoy spending time with and lots of folks I haven't seen in a long while. Dinner was delicious. Dessert was better. I still couldn't shake the mood. The award that I was up for was, of course, one of the last ones awarded. I knew I wouldn't win, but I didn't want to sneak out early and seem like I didn't care who did. Also, the 6 shows nominated for Best Musical each did a performance, so I enjoyed most of those.
Fifty-four shows participated in the program this year. There are 33 categories. My home theater group received 17 nominations. And we brought home the award for Best Production (non-musical), Best Actor (non-musical), Best Actress (non-musical), and Best Props (non-musical). I am really proud of the work we did last year and that we were honored with three of the top awards.
That being said, there was one major disappointment of the evening for me. (And truthfully, I probably shouldn't blog about it in a public forum like this, but fuck it. I am entitled to my opinions, right?) There is an individual who has been very active with EMACT for several decades. She has relocated out of state, but remains active in the organization's major events. She is a lovely individual. Her artistic work, however, tends to miss the mark. As a director, in my opinion, she has very limited vision and tends to make poor casting decisions. She was nominated for a Best Director award. Numerous people that I know and respect saw the show for which she was nominated. ALL reports are that this show was right on par with her normal work (read: really NOT good....at all). EMACT, in it's ultimate wisdom, decided that the award she was nominated for was a tie and awarded the best director to her AND to another director (who by all accounts fully deserved it and did a KICK ASS show). When the emcee said, "It's a TIE!", I looked at my mom (who is a past president of EMACT and if ANYONE knows theater it's her), and said "They are not doing this!" She shook her head and said "No!" with that motherly look of "don't be ridiculous"....And then they did it. They awarded a Best Director to this clueless (but lovely) person.
I know why they did it. It was a parting gift, of sorts. I understand all that. It was purely political. I get it. But the emotions that ran through me were as powerful as a category 5 hurricane: anger, shock, disappointment (that ultimate level of disappointment your mother got when you got busted doing something *really* bad in high school), and sadness, disillusionment. Because these awards, although subjective, are based on a numeric score. Each show that participates in the program is seen by two consultants who score the aspects of the show that they feel deserve recognition. Those scores are then tabulated and the highest scorers become the nominees and winner. Period. End of story. Yes, it is subjective as it is the reviewer's perspective, but it is designed to be more fair than the program that it replaced.
And when they made that decision and presented that award, they blew all of that out of the water. The implications are on a much, much higher level to me. It destroys the integrity of the entire program. It cheapens the awards. It denies them any positive impact whatsoever because, clearly, the scores can be manipulated to suit the purposes of the board at their whim. In my mind, it makes my nomination (which was a gift to begin with) and all the others, meaningless.
Yes. I am going to a terrible extreme here, but this is how I feel. I feel strongly enough about this that I am contemplating drafting an email to the board to express it all. My very wise husband once said to me that we don't control how we feel, it just happens. What we do control is how we behave in light (or in spite) of those feelings. That's what I am weighing now.
In discussing these feelings with a dear friend, I learned I am far from alone. She told me that she knows of at least two other people who are expressing their dismay over the situation to the board and encouraged me to write the email. Apparently, I am not the only one who is outraged. What's funny about it is that my outrage is NOT that she got an award, but the implications it has for the program going forward....that's just it...it's the destruction of trust for the program. My theater group has participated in this awards program since it's inception (as it was designed primarily by my mom) and I have always supported it. I haven't always agreed with it and I do think it's flawed, but I have always had some trust in it to be fair. Now, I feel foolish. I feel betrayed. I feel like I've been duped. Here I've been outwardly supporting the program as fair......silly, silly me.
Right now, I don't know what I am going to do. Clearly my emotions are too high to take any action yet. But I do feel better for getting it all out.
And if someone from the board discovers this post....so be it. It's how I feel and I won't apologize for that. It's probably far less eloquent than an email would be. This post may be poorly written, but it is as truthful and raw as my emotions are right now about this whole issue.
